They say its better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. I say that is false thinking. I have loved and I have lost. Most days I wish I never loved at all, because then I wouldn't have to worry about missing something I once had. Sure the memories are great and Ill cherish them for the rest of my life, but they also serve as a constant reminder of something I wish I had again. My confidence in this field has gone down the drain, I feel like I don't have anything to offer any of the women that I find even semi attractive. I sit at home and I watch movies, a lot of which are romantic ones, which I'm sure doesn't help me at all. I'm highly considering finding a therapist, with everything that's happen to me over this past year alone, I think I may need an outlet. I surprise myself because since I got majorly sick and know there is no cure for it, I don't seem concerned about it in my head, but at the same time I don't feel like doing anything, I don't feel like hanging out with anyone, I feel worthless, unwanted, etc. I don't think I am depressed, but would someone who is depressed really know they were? The only thing that makes me feel happy and loved is my daughter, I know no matter what I do, she loves me. It was so hard to accept letting her mom have her for a month at a time, and the only reason I accepted it was because that is what Sabina seemed to want. I know she's only 2 and she doesn't know what is best for her, but Id like to think she knows what she likes and what she doesn't like and if my baby likes to learn, then that's what she gets to do, I never want to take that away from her. I really feel lost, I don't know anymore.  

Found some old photos. Almost cried. Need to press forward. Time to bury these emotions very deep.